Thursday, September 23, 2010

Life-out of my hands

I believe in fate...destiny...a plan that is out of my hands...and all that good stuff. I believe in it for myself and for everyone on the whole planet. It is unfathomable for me to image that we are all here by chance and are bumping into each other at random. I find it comforting to know that there is a reason behind each union, every smile, every tear, and every break up.

There are a couple reasons I am thinking about this today. I am thinking about how my own personal relationships have been changing. I believe that it isn't good or is just part of life. That I may close the door on one relationship, but that allows me to hear that someone is knocking at another. It is hard not to reminisce and feel loss, but if the relationship is over, it is over. (By the way-this has nothing to do with my husband!! Just wanted to make that clear...we are just fine.) In my husband's life, he is struggling with finding a new path for his career. He isn't happy or satisfied where he is and has been searching and praying for where he should be heading. I keep reassuring him to keep searching and praying and continue to be patient, but I know it is hard. I kind of got hit by a bus with the idea that I should become a nurse. It was like lightening striking me. One minute it wasn't there and the next, I was certain..with out a doubt that that was what I was supposed to be working towards. It is the exact same feeling I had when I met my husband. I had known him about 24 hours when I told a very close friend that I could marry him the very next day without any problem. That I was sure-with every part of my being-that he was "the one." Isn't it funny how that happens?

Now, I talk to some people about this and they say that it has never happened to them and I always wonder if they are not paying attention or are not listening or if it is really true. I have always believed that what ever you believe in is what will happen to you. If you think that you are unworthy of finding true love, you never will. If you think that you are going to succeed, you will. When I enter nursing, I know that some of my optimism will be jaded by sickness and hopelessness. How am I going to encourage my patients to go on? How will I be able to encourage them to be at peace with the path that they are on...even if it appears it is going to end with death? How will I be able to talk to families and give them comfort? How will I find the right words for the right person at the right moment? I doubt they teach this in nursing school...I am going to have to do some research on the compassionate heart of a nurse and how it is cultured and developed. I guess, I think I have my heart in the right place, but I worry that I might not have the right words. I am sure it all begins with thinking before speaking.

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